by Joelle Steele
No matter what is going on in our lives or in the world at large, we always have choices. And we define our lives by those choices. But choices are not always obvious to us, and so we often end up missing them altogether. Instead we feel stuck in a rut, unable to change our lives. I can definitely relate. It rarely happens to me now because I’m used to seeing all the choices available in my life and acting on the ones that best suit my needs. But it wasn’t always that way.
I started out by not making an important choice, and it had a far-reaching effect on my life. I was in my senior year of high school. My father was pressuring me to go to college and become a teacher. But I had just completed nine years of private art instruction. My teenage dream, my fantasy, was to study painting and photography at the San Francisco Art Institute, then move to Paris and live happily ever after, making paintings and photographs, and maybe eventually owning an art gallery.
But my father said he wouldn’t pay for the Art Institute and wanted me to pick a regular four-year college. So, I applied to Cal State Hayward (now East Bay), UC Berkeley, and San Jose State University. I was accepted at all three, but my father was paying and he opted for the least expensive, which was Cal State Hayward. I remained at home, working to pay my own tuition and school expenses for three semesters at the local community college, before I transferred to Cal State. End of dream.
What on earth was I thinking? Well, apparently I wasn’t really thinking at all. I didn’t even know there were scholarships and financial aid that could have helped me make it on my own at the Art Institute. I didn’t know I had choices. Even after I left Cal State, I still didn’t know I had choices. I thought I had to follow in the paths of other women my age, to get married, raise a family, etc. Paris was … so far away…
As luck would have it, a giant change was forced upon me in the form of a major automobile accident. And what did I do? I again made bad choices. I picked the wrong lawyer, the wrong doctors, the wrong roommate … the list is so very, very long. But ya know what? I learned my lesson! At last, I came out of a horrible situation by making the choice to make changes. I abandoned my crappy lawyer, I found a part-time job with flexible hours, and after living in my car for seven weeks I rented a tiny studio apartment. From that point on, I made the conscious decision to take charge of my life, to not rely solely on the advice of others, but to think critically and independently about the options I have, and to make sound choices based on the best options for my life.
I went on to start my own businesses to suit my personality, my skills, my interests, my financial needs, etc. I never looked back. Today, I’m no longer afraid to make a change, to start over, to abandon what doesn’t work in favor of something better that does. No matter what problems I face, I don’t freak out about them. Instead, I think about what my options are and make my choices to change. And, I encourage others to do the same. It’s so easy to become a victim of our own indecision. But we always have choices, even if they aren’t obvious ones. Even if we’re scared to make those choices. Even the hard ones. But the choice to change is one of life’s greatest rewards!
