BACK FROM HOMELESSNESS
A Venice Beach Resident Tells Her Story

Joelle Steele Interviewed by Sheryl Brenneman
Beach Sentinel, 1989 

At the root of a lot of homelessness is the lack of affordable medical care for people who have no resources and are not mentally or physically well enough to care for themselves. It's a very big crack in society's infrastructure through which people can easily fall.  -- Joelle Steele

No matter where you go these days, no matter whether it's the big city or some small town, you will find homeless people. And, if you have ever been to Venice Beach, California, you have seen them in large numbers, begging for handouts, sleeping on benches, rummaging through dumpsters. What you don't see is their stories. How did they become homeless? To hear one person's story, I met with local writer and artist Joelle Steele, a woman who, while seriously ill, lived in her car on the streets of Los Angeles for eight weeks. How she survived is a story best told in her own words, and here is what she has to say.

Sheryl Brenneman: How long has it been since you moved from your car to an apartment?
Joelle Steele: A little over eight years. I lived in my car from mid-September of 1980 through the third week of November that same year.
SB: What brought you to that crisis?
JS: I had a problem with a roommate and my living situation fell through and I had no money and no place to go. I moved into my car for what I thought would be one night.
SB: What about family and friends?
JS: I had only been in southern California for a short while, and I had become very ill. In fact, I was just recovering from major surgery and was undergoing medical treatment when I was in an automobile accident and suffered a serious head trauma and back injury. I spent all my time working and going to doctors and for therapy and trying to survive my illnesses and injuries. I didn't really know much of anybody. When the apartment fell through, I discovered that my parents were in Europe. My attorney didn't take my calls. My landlord was in Africa. I simply had no place to go.
SB: What about shelters?
JS: I didn't know anything about homeless people or that shelters even existed. I thought I was unique, the only person living in my car.
SB: But you weren't.
JS: I definitely was not alone. The very first night in my car, the police asked me to move on. I was parked in a residential neighborhood that I thought looked safe. But I guess I didn't make the residents feel safe and someone called the police.
SB: Where did you go?
JS: I went to an all-night coffee shop, and as I was leaving, I met a homeless man who saw my car full of stuff. He told me where to park and sleep and how to keep safe.
SB: That could have turned out much worse.
JS: Yes. I was extremely lucky.
SB: How did you eat and take care of yourself?
JS: I showered at the beach in very cold water early in the morning -- as soon as the sun came up. I was working part-time temporary jobs, so I had a little income, and I went to the grocery store and bought food that didn't have to be refrigerated or cooked.
SB: How did you deal with all the medical issues?
JS: That was the worst of it all. I was so ill at the time that I just couldn't even think clearly. I was in all kinds of therapy, I would forget to take medication, and I missed a lot of doctor appointments because I was having blackouts and missing blocks of times -- fugue states.
SB: What is a fugue state?
JS: It's when the mind can't cope with whatever traumatic experience the person is undergoing. For example, I was sitting in a doctor's waiting room in Santa Monica and the next thing I knew it was nine hours later, pitch black out, and I was sitting in a bus going down Santa Monica Boulevard heading towards Hollywood. I would suddenly "wake up" and be myself again, with no memory of where I'd been or what I'd done. I wouldn't even know where my car was. It was extremely frightening.
SB: How long did this condition last?
JS: A little over two years. It was very intense that first year, but then the fugue states became much shorter and occurred less frequently, and I have not had one since late 1981. I think that the changes in my medication at the time probably helped.
SB: Somewhere during all this your parents must have come back from Europe.
JS: Yes, they did, and I drove to northern California to see them. To make an extremely long story very short, I asked my father for help and he refused. This was nothing new. We never got along. My mother gave me $50, and promised to send more. She always deferred to whatever my father said.
SB: That is just so hard to believe.
JS: I know. I had a neighbor one time and all she did was break her wrist, and her parents drove all the way out from rural West Virginia to take care of her. I wanted parents like that.
SB: So did you return to southern California?
JS: Yes. I had a new, long-term temp job lined up and I had a lot of medical stuff that needed to be attended to -- when I could remember to do it all.
SB: And you were still living in your car?
JS: Yes, this was only after about two weeks.
SB: Were you making enough money to start looking for an apartment?
JS: Not at that time, but I was trying to save what little I made.
SB: Where did you stay through all of this?
JS: At first I was kind of all over the place. But so many areas were dangerous at night. A gang came and bounced my car one night. So I had to leave that spot. Then I found a place way off the road in Malibu where there were some houses and lots of tree and brush coverage. I parked there every evening around sunset and left every morning as soon as the sun came up again. I stayed there for the last three or four weeks.
SB: So you found a safe place to be?
JS: It was safer, but there is a lot of danger from human predators, and I was easy prey because I was so obviously unwell. I had a lot of problems walking due to my back injury. I got mugged twice at knifepoint in the beach restrooms. It was the same person, and she took a lot of my stuff, nothing of any real value, but things that were necessities for me. Things like my bedding and my heavy sweaters and my good coat. I was very cold after that.
SB: How did you finally get off the street?
JS: I was working temp, but my head injury kept interfering. I had temporal lobe damage -- cognitive impairment -- and seizures. The seizures were controlled by medication, but the cognitive impairment prevented me from doing things I had always been able to do before. Simple things like following a conversation, taking directions, answering a switchboard with only five incoming lines and 20 extensions. I left people on hold left and right. I got fired.
SB: But you obviously found work you could do.
JS: Yes, when my medication was finally adjusted, I became more coherent. I got a job with a landscape contractor -- I have vocational certificates in ornamental horticulture and interior design. It was a one-person office, and I worked doing clerical stuff at first. Later, as I became healthier, I was able to do design, sales, cut flower arranging, etc.
SB: And your apartment?
JS: My landlord came back from Africa and after I explained to him what had happened, he sent me to another apartment building he owned that had a vacancy. The marshal came and let me enter my old apartment to get my things. The landscape contractor sent a truck and two laborers to move my stuff into the new apartment.
SB: This apartment?
JS: No, the one next door. I moved to this one last year. It's a little bigger.
SB: Are you still in the landscape business?
JS: Sort of. I don't work for the landscape contractor anymore. He is actually a client of mine now. I mostly supply services to the horticultural industry in general, including books and a small monthly trade journal.
SB: How is your health these days?
JS: It could be better. I will have to live with cognitive impairment for the rest of my life. But, I don't have seizures or fugue states and I'm no longer on medications of any kind. And I have had a lot of rehabilitative therapy for dealing with cognitive problems, so I have a lot of ways to deal with those problems if and when they occur. I had back surgery in 1984, so that has also improved things a lot.
SB: And you wrote a book on your experience. Are you looking for a publisher?
JS: No, I'm not even sure if it will ever be published. It was a kind of cathartic process for me. It was like therapy that got me through it all, allowed me to put it all behind me.
SB: In looking back on your experience with homelessness, how do you view the homeless denizens of Venice Beach?
JS: Well, some are obviously victims of their own devices -- drugs, alcohol, etc. Others are suffering from a variety of physical ailments, and many are mentally ill. Some are elderly and have no place to go. Many are war veterans who are not being well-cared for.
SB: You volunteer at homeless shelters now?
JS: Off and on. It is a little too stressful for me at times. I'm supposed to stay calm, and I'm not very calm in this part of the world anyway, so I can only do a little helping here and there.
SB: What do you think is at the root of homelessness?
JS: At the root of a lot of homelessness is the lack of affordable medical care for people who have no resources and are not mentally or physically well enough to care for themselves. It's a very big crack in society's infrastructure through which people can easily fall.
SB: Is there a solution?
JS: Of course. The question is, will anyone or any government institution create and implement a solution? Doesn't look like it from where I stand.
SB: Do you worry about becoming homeless again?
JS: Every minute of every day. It is always there in the back of my mind. It happened to me once and I am painfully aware that it could happen again. The majority of people in this country are just one or two paychecks away from living on the street.

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